What ever happened to N?

Loss is a sad part of life in the foster care system.

• children lose their families
• parents lose their children
• and foster families lose multiple children they have come to love
  

So, what about N? We truthfully never expected her to be a "loss" for us. We didn't want to take her in the first place, weren't supposed to have her more than a few days, and she ended up staying for over two months. We all fell in love, but were prepared for her going. It was a good thing; an aunt in TN was adopting her and we were all thrilled.

We met the aunt, talked with her several times, had her over at our house when she came to go to court, and we really advocated on her behalf so she could adopt. We also helped her to build a relationship with N for those two months. The plan was to stay in touch. N was really attached to us and it seemed like a positive thing for all.

N left in early June. And called us almost daily for weeks. Really. I also talked to her Aunt on a few occasions and we seemed to be friends. We have a big box for N that we stuffed with a few things she left and many more things we wanted to give her: some books and movies she loved, and a new t-shirt we bought for her. We called for the address and they have never called us again. N would not stop wanting to talk to us overnight. She was calling us all the time with her aunt's permission.

What happened? Did N have problems attaching and the Aunt thought it best to cut all previous ties? Why not tell me? I don't think we will ever know. We want to send her the box and I could call her adoption worker and drop it off to her, but part of me thinks it may be best to just forget it. The whole situation is weird. I know N had lied in therapy previously and caused huge problems for a previous family. Did she say something about us because she was mad at us? I hate to not follow up to protect myself, but self preservation is a natural reaction in the system.

Goodbye N.

~Susan

Fare thee well! and if for ever,
Still for ever, fare thee well.
~Lord Byron

I'll Race you to the Potty!

Potty training has begun full force at our house - and like everything, we have to do it the hard way. We have not one, but two little tushes vying for the royal seat. Sometimes it can be quite cute. One of the girls will yell "potty!" and start running, and the other one will try to cut her off at the pass. I have even watched as one tried to rip the other off the seat!

Even though they fight to go first, they still like to praise each other for a job well done. Things can get a little hectic trying to keep the M&M jar filled, but it has helped to keep the interest up. And they both pronounce M&Ms the same way - "num nahs."

Will the competition help them to learn quicker, or ultimately will it prolong the process? Only time will tell.

I will tell you my proudest moment came yesterday and I could tell that the youngest was really getting how important praise is for everyone - now matter how old.

I walked in the pool room (our room with a pool table) and said I'd be out in a minute and walked in the bathroom. As I walked out the door and shut it, D looked up at me and started clapping wildly and yelling "yeah!!!"

It was my first standing ovation and I will always remember it.

~Susan

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.
Ecclesiastes 4:9

I'd Give You the Moon. . .

Sometimes children ask for easy things; in fact, when they are younger it is usually the easy stuff.

Can I have some milk?

Can I go with you?

Hold me please?

These are just a small sampling of the requests I got today from our two year old foster daughter. We don't know how long she will be with us so we are eager to please, creating a bond with her so she will feel loved and secure while with us.

Meeting their needs helps. I got the little stuff today.

When Neil came home the request was a little bigger and not so easy to fill.

M (who we found out is actually an "A") looked up and saw something big and bright in the sky.

She looked to Neil, my husband, and asked him, "what's that?"

He said, "It's the moon."

"Get it!" A said.

"I can't get it."

"Too big," A innocently asked?

"Yeah, too big," he replied.

"Oh," she said, and ran off to play with her foster sisters.

~Susan

Set your affection on things above,
Not on things on the earth.
Colossians 3:2