Monday, August 11, 2008

What ever happened to N?

Loss is a sad part of life in the foster care system.
  • children lose their families
  • parents lose their children
  • and foster families lose multiple children they have come to love
So, what about N? We truthfully never expected her to be a "loss" for us. We didn't want to take her in the first place, weren't supposed to have her more than a few days, and she ended up staying for over two months. We all fell in love, but were prepared for her going. It was a good thing; an aunt in TN was adopting her and we were all thrilled.

We met the aunt, talked with her several times, had her over at our house when she came to go to court, and we really advocated on her behalf so she could adopt. We also helped her to build a relationship with N for those two months. The plan was to stay in touch. N was really attached to us and it seemed like a positive thing for all.

N left in early June. And called us almost daily for weeks. Really. I also talked to her Aunt on a few occasions and we seemed to be friends. We have a big box for N that we stuffed with a few things she left and many more things we wanted to give her: some books and movies she loved, and a new t-shirt we bought for her. We called for the address and they have never called us again. N would not stop wanting to talk to us overnight. She was calling us all the time with her aunt's permission.

What happened? Did N have problems attaching and the Aunt thought it best to cut all previous ties? Why not tell me? I don't think we will ever know. We want to send her the box and I could call her adoption worker and drop it off to her, but part of me thinks it may be best to just forget it. The whole situation is weird. I know N had lied in therapy previously and caused huge problems for a previous family. Did she say something about us because she was mad at us? I hate to not follow up to protect myself, but self preservation is a natural reaction in the system.

Goodbye N.

Fare thee well! and if for ever,
Still for ever, fare thee well.
~Lord Byron