The Best Panda Ever!

Today (actually two weeks ago when I first saved this) the girls and I went to Panda Express to pick up a quick dinner. Neil and Brandon went to meet my mother-in-law and boyfriend Frank for Dinner. We didn't go for three reasons:

1. The restaurant is not really baby friendly (not many are :-) and it sounded like a nightmare to take two of them.
2. Brooke is severely lactose intolerant and after looking up the ingredients and menu on the web, it would have hard to find something to eat. Their BBQ sauce had milk in it!
3. And lastly, we didn't want to

So we are driving to Panda and the girls are hoping Jenny will be there. She is a bio mom of a previous foster baby and she has been promising to show us pictures of her daughter who we haven't seen in over a year.

It was better than pictures. We got to see the baby!!! Mom's boyfriend came in with her. I saw them sitting at a table and knew it was her. She was so cute and happy and sweet and smart!

I have to say that it is hard to admit it, but the mom and baby girl S are doing well. They really love each other. Baby S was as excited to see her mommy as my kids ever were to see me. It was really a hard case to feel good about reunification. Mom had lost four other kids for unmentionable reasons. The children's father is still in prison. There were also drugs involved.

I didn't want baby S to go back to her. But since I am not in charge, she did and they are doing well. Mom is working two jobs. Maybe her extreme loss has caused extreme changes in her.

This is a case where I would have never trusted this woman to change, but she did, so I am happy. I will smile when I see her and mean it. In this dark and dismal foster care system it is nice to see a positive result for a change, from what was probably a judge's mistake.

Oh, I won't expect it too often, but it sure is nice when they surprise you.

~Susan

Most people struggle with life balance simply because they haven't paid the price
to decide what is really important to them.

Stephen Covey

Another post. . .

My title is what it is for my few readers. This is just another post for me to do while I contemplate whether or not I should continue blogging. I really think I should spend the time writing letters to friends that I have been neglecting, but this is easier. ;-)

But for now, here's what's going on:

Little French Baby was going, but now is staying a bit more. There was a unforeseeable problem with the Aunt and Uncle. They will probably get it cleared up in 6 weeks or so, but for now little Frenchy will stay. We are happy, but I did want her to get going if she's going. Why spend any more time attaching to us. I'm already attached, thank you very much.

Laughing baby boy J is still here and we are praying it is forever. Frenchy has a responsible family member to take her. Baby J does not. He needs us - and we need him. The county worker will probably try reunification, since we are told that is always the goal. It is funny that the goal is never to do what is best for the child. Why is that?

My college boy Brandon - It is going well for him, and brings back memories. . . It is 11:30 pm and he is studying for his test tomorrow. Time management is on the agenda for next week. We didn't have time to work on time management this week.

All three kids are going to be leaders in AWANAS at our church. The girls have before, but this will be Brandon's first time working in AWANAS. He went in saying he would only be a helper, and came out a leader. It was scary. I don't think he knew what hit him.

We have an extra dog while Neil's mom travels with her boyfriend. I feel a little silly calling a 75 year man a "boyfriend," but it would disappointing to the kids if I didn't. Hey, we calls it as we sees it.

Our little D is coming over in two days and the excitement builds. If she only knew how much we loved her she might use it against us. Shh.

Better run. Yes, it is almost 12:00 am and I am no where near ready to call it a night. So what's new?

~Susan

It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants.
The question is: what are we busy about?
Henry David Thoreau

"I got you back"

The title of this post comes from one of my favorite movies, Anne of Green Gables. (in the Continuing Story)

Anne is holding up a little baby boy that she had loved and cared for and he then was somewhere else for a while in the hands of another. Anne then is able to find him again and she is able to keep him and raise him as her own.

This movie immediately came to my mind last week when little baby J was returned to me. I won't go into too many gory details, but we have always missed him and it was hard knowing he was in foster care, but not in our home. Well, on Tuesday I had little Frenchie at a doctor visit (sorry I haven't posted on her - an adorable tiny French baby that will be going to live with her aunt as soon as her home is approved. We are happy she can be with family and will miss her. The baby is cute and she knows it. Nuff said)

So, we're at the doctors and I am called and asked if I can take baby J again. I was overjoyed. I never would have said no for his sake either, since I hate to hear of kids moving to new homes. It can really cause severe attachment problems for their whole life.

He is the sweetest baby ever, so affectionate and cuddly, and quite the opposite of adorable French baby! We are happy he's back and he is happy to be here. We haven't heard much on his case, other than his mom isn't doing great, but she is still making visits. J has a vision problem and is still being evaluated to see how serious it is.

I'll try to update again, but I was waiting for someone to finish something and the kids always say I should post again, so here it is.

I don't know how long baby J will be here, but I will always smile and think. . ."I got you back"

~Susan

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller,
home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for"
unknown

Recertification Blues

Last year I so lucked out. The normal inspector just quit after taking a vacation and then a medical leave, which was followed by a personal problems leave, which segued into blank stares and vague excuses why she was no longer with our agency.

The office manager, newly promoted after everyone moved up the ladder rung left by the first director did our inspection. She sat at my kitchen table for much of it asking me where things were and how things are done. And apologizing for being disorganized. I assured her it was okay. I told nothing but the truth, but I didn't invite her to check things I thought she may have missed; that was her job and she was definitely stressed out and did not need more to do.

This year will be tough. I can feel it. Plus, we haven't had kids for a while so we are soft - as I sit looking at the Advil bottle and other meds on the counter, the wire and computer stuff sitting on the unused high chair tray, and the piles of "stuff" everywhere that will have to find its home before a week from Wednesday. Neil also has three mixers in the driveway and a work bench piled high with dangerous chemicals that toddlers like to drink for snacks.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the brick pile and posts that sit on the side of the driveway. The side that Neil backed his truck into last month. (so glad that wasn't me! I'm am so sure there wouldn't have been as much laughter. :-)

So you get the picture. Things are bad here and we needed a reason to clean up. So basically recertification is a blessing in disguise?

~Susan

Blessed are all who take refuge in him.
Psalms 2:12

Book Review: Swings Hanging From Every Tree

Swings Hanging From Every Tree - Daily Inspirations For Foster & Adoptive Parents

This is really a great book for those who have been there. The stories are touching, sad, funny, and everything in between. These are their stories, but they are ours also.

If you have done foster care you will read stories that you could have written yourself and recognize your former children among these pages.

This book is set up as daily devotions for foster & adoptive parents so they are a quick read. Read it daily, or read them when you can, but do read the stories. They will touch you and inspire you to keep going when the going gets tough.

I also really enjoyed many, but not all, of the quotes throughout the book. If you have read my blog before, you know I'm a sucker for a good quote. ;-)

Warning: You may even cry while reading the book, but it will be a good cry.

~Susan

P.S. If you know a foster mom who needs a little something to remind her how important she is, this book would make a wonderful gift.

"Sit loosely in the saddle of life."
Robert Louis Stevenson
from the book :-)

What ever happened to N?

Loss is a sad part of life in the foster care system.

• children lose their families
• parents lose their children
• and foster families lose multiple children they have come to love
  

So, what about N? We truthfully never expected her to be a "loss" for us. We didn't want to take her in the first place, weren't supposed to have her more than a few days, and she ended up staying for over two months. We all fell in love, but were prepared for her going. It was a good thing; an aunt in TN was adopting her and we were all thrilled.

We met the aunt, talked with her several times, had her over at our house when she came to go to court, and we really advocated on her behalf so she could adopt. We also helped her to build a relationship with N for those two months. The plan was to stay in touch. N was really attached to us and it seemed like a positive thing for all.

N left in early June. And called us almost daily for weeks. Really. I also talked to her Aunt on a few occasions and we seemed to be friends. We have a big box for N that we stuffed with a few things she left and many more things we wanted to give her: some books and movies she loved, and a new t-shirt we bought for her. We called for the address and they have never called us again. N would not stop wanting to talk to us overnight. She was calling us all the time with her aunt's permission.

What happened? Did N have problems attaching and the Aunt thought it best to cut all previous ties? Why not tell me? I don't think we will ever know. We want to send her the box and I could call her adoption worker and drop it off to her, but part of me thinks it may be best to just forget it. The whole situation is weird. I know N had lied in therapy previously and caused huge problems for a previous family. Did she say something about us because she was mad at us? I hate to not follow up to protect myself, but self preservation is a natural reaction in the system.

Goodbye N.

~Susan

Fare thee well! and if for ever,
Still for ever, fare thee well.
~Lord Byron

D Update

Staying in D's life has been such a blessing - so far - because most bio mom's do not want the foster mom around after they get their children back. I understand why they feel that way. Who wants a constant reminder of when you were thought to be an unfit parent? And I wouldn't want the woman around who had raised my children. Especially if the child stilled called the other woman mommy.

Thankfully D's mom does not feel the same way. She has let our family have D about every other weekend for the past few months since the kids were returned home. She says she has hurt D enough and doesn't want to cause her more pain by cutting off her relationship with us. (although, the mom still professes innocence. . .) I know the mom enjoys the free babysitting, but I truthfully don't care why she let's us see D; just that she does. D thinks we are her family and we really are. Blood does not make a family.

The mom looks like a hooker all of the sudden. She had on tons of makeup last time we say her. I mean a crazy amount, and all glossy and thick. She is on the hunt again.

Since leaving, D's hair has been chopped almost to the scalp by a crazy uncle who I don't trust. But DCFS seems to be fine with him so who am I to judge??

Now the mom said we could have D on Thursday and on the way there she called me and said she was on the freeway on the way to Los angeles, and that she had just been picked up. Then acted surprised that we were on our way to get D. Why the call? I'm not sure.

I am a bit worried. And no, I don't think this mother is going to just surrender her child to me out of the goodness of her heart. I am not naive. Still, I will stay involved and watch out for D and all her siblings. And if the mom ever drops the ball we will be there to pick it up. In the mean time, we are blessed to have our D fixes when we can get them. When foster kids leave they do take a piece of you with them forever, but D owns all our hearts.

~Susan

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt