Birth mothers need to visit their children . . .CPS has this one right!

Based on my experiences in the foster care system, I often do not agree with CPS, and how they are choosing to handle a case, but I have one to three foster children to love and care for and a social worker may have up to 60 on their case load. And the social workers are also tied by the law, the court, the lawyer, the judge, and their supervisor.

Most birth parents will tell you the system stole their child and doesn't want to give it back, they are wrong.

In many cases, DCFS is trying to give the children back to their parents, but the parents will not do one simple thing that the court wants them to do - visit their child.

I used to think they were making it too easy on these parents. What?! The parent uses drugs, abuses their child, neglects them for months, and finally the child is taken away in order to keep them safe and sometimes to feed them since in extreme neglect cases the children aren't being fed.

And the judge says visit your child. Regularly. Now I have realized how important that is.

• keep the mother child bond if there was one
• establish a bond if there wasn't one
• show that they are responsible enough to keep a regular appointment
• show that they love their child so much that you can't stand to be away from them and they are the most important thing to you in the world

So now, I understand the importance of the visit. Sure, drug test, take your parenting classes, attend AA meetings, and get a suitable place to live.

But most importantly, visit your child. When the birth mother of my foster son can only make about half her visits, and has never been on time for the last six months, how could she have handled J's chronic ear infections resulting in two ruptured eardrums and six doctors visits in 3 weeks?

Sorry, now I am rambling. But if she wants her son, how can she not want to see him.? And believe me, she makes the choice not to come. She doesn't call to apologize or make excuses for herself. She just doesn't come.

My nineteen year old son went camping this weekend for the first time. I miss him. He is nineteen, so I won't jump in the car and track him down. I won't call him repeatedly on his cell phone - well, I may have, but he said there is no cell service.

Baby J's mom sometimes goes weeks without making a visit, but legally she gets until June. No, her child wasn't "legally kidnapped" as one blog wants us to believe. He was taken for his safety and his mom can see him if she chooses. She can have him returned if she chooses.

It is in her hands.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."
Charles R. Swindoll

Are You My Mother?

When my son Brandon was a toddler, he had a favorite book for a while. It was the Dr. Suess classic, "Are You My Mother."

He wanted me to read it over and over again. I got so sick of it that one afternoon I "misplaced" the book in the closet. It was put right next to the popcorn vacuum like toy that his grandma gave him. (those things are so loud! with three kids 3 and under I could only take so much noise. . .)

Little Boy D, the newest edition to our family, walked up to me the other day and calmly asked,

"Are you my mommy?"

I looked at him and replied, "Yes, when you live with me I am your mommy."

He had a little smile and he walked away so I guess I said the right thing this time.

Oh, he still feels more comfortable calling me Susan with a drawn out "A", from a bit of a Filipino accent acquired from his last foster mom, but he knows who I am.

~Susan

For where your treasure is,
there will be your heart also.
Luke 12:24

The Best Panda Ever!

Today (actually two weeks ago when I first saved this) the girls and I went to Panda Express to pick up a quick dinner. Neil and Brandon went to meet my mother-in-law and boyfriend Frank for Dinner. We didn't go for three reasons:

1. The restaurant is not really baby friendly (not many are :-) and it sounded like a nightmare to take two of them.
2. Brooke is severely lactose intolerant and after looking up the ingredients and menu on the web, it would have hard to find something to eat. Their BBQ sauce had milk in it!
3. And lastly, we didn't want to

So we are driving to Panda and the girls are hoping Jenny will be there. She is a bio mom of a previous foster baby and she has been promising to show us pictures of her daughter who we haven't seen in over a year.

It was better than pictures. We got to see the baby!!! Mom's boyfriend came in with her. I saw them sitting at a table and knew it was her. She was so cute and happy and sweet and smart!

I have to say that it is hard to admit it, but the mom and baby girl S are doing well. They really love each other. Baby S was as excited to see her mommy as my kids ever were to see me. It was really a hard case to feel good about reunification. Mom had lost four other kids for unmentionable reasons. The children's father is still in prison. There were also drugs involved.

I didn't want baby S to go back to her. But since I am not in charge, she did and they are doing well. Mom is working two jobs. Maybe her extreme loss has caused extreme changes in her.

This is a case where I would have never trusted this woman to change, but she did, so I am happy. I will smile when I see her and mean it. In this dark and dismal foster care system it is nice to see a positive result for a change, from what was probably a judge's mistake.

Oh, I won't expect it too often, but it sure is nice when they surprise you.

~Susan

Most people struggle with life balance simply because they haven't paid the price
to decide what is really important to them.

Stephen Covey

Another post. . .

My title is what it is for my few readers. This is just another post for me to do while I contemplate whether or not I should continue blogging. I really think I should spend the time writing letters to friends that I have been neglecting, but this is easier. ;-)

But for now, here's what's going on:

Little French Baby was going, but now is staying a bit more. There was a unforeseeable problem with the Aunt and Uncle. They will probably get it cleared up in 6 weeks or so, but for now little Frenchy will stay. We are happy, but I did want her to get going if she's going. Why spend any more time attaching to us. I'm already attached, thank you very much.

Laughing baby boy J is still here and we are praying it is forever. Frenchy has a responsible family member to take her. Baby J does not. He needs us - and we need him. The county worker will probably try reunification, since we are told that is always the goal. It is funny that the goal is never to do what is best for the child. Why is that?

My college boy Brandon - It is going well for him, and brings back memories. . . It is 11:30 pm and he is studying for his test tomorrow. Time management is on the agenda for next week. We didn't have time to work on time management this week.

All three kids are going to be leaders in AWANAS at our church. The girls have before, but this will be Brandon's first time working in AWANAS. He went in saying he would only be a helper, and came out a leader. It was scary. I don't think he knew what hit him.

We have an extra dog while Neil's mom travels with her boyfriend. I feel a little silly calling a 75 year man a "boyfriend," but it would disappointing to the kids if I didn't. Hey, we calls it as we sees it.

Our little D is coming over in two days and the excitement builds. If she only knew how much we loved her she might use it against us. Shh.

Better run. Yes, it is almost 12:00 am and I am no where near ready to call it a night. So what's new?

~Susan

It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants.
The question is: what are we busy about?
Henry David Thoreau

"I got you back"

The title of this post comes from one of my favorite movies, Anne of Green Gables. (in the Continuing Story)

Anne is holding up a little baby boy that she had loved and cared for and he then was somewhere else for a while in the hands of another. Anne then is able to find him again and she is able to keep him and raise him as her own.

This movie immediately came to my mind last week when little baby J was returned to me. I won't go into too many gory details, but we have always missed him and it was hard knowing he was in foster care, but not in our home. Well, on Tuesday I had little Frenchie at a doctor visit (sorry I haven't posted on her - an adorable tiny French baby that will be going to live with her aunt as soon as her home is approved. We are happy she can be with family and will miss her. The baby is cute and she knows it. Nuff said)

So, we're at the doctors and I am called and asked if I can take baby J again. I was overjoyed. I never would have said no for his sake either, since I hate to hear of kids moving to new homes. It can really cause severe attachment problems for their whole life.

He is the sweetest baby ever, so affectionate and cuddly, and quite the opposite of adorable French baby! We are happy he's back and he is happy to be here. We haven't heard much on his case, other than his mom isn't doing great, but she is still making visits. J has a vision problem and is still being evaluated to see how serious it is.

I'll try to update again, but I was waiting for someone to finish something and the kids always say I should post again, so here it is.

I don't know how long baby J will be here, but I will always smile and think. . ."I got you back"

~Susan

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller,
home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for"
unknown

Recertification Blues

Last year I so lucked out. The normal inspector just quit after taking a vacation and then a medical leave, which was followed by a personal problems leave, which segued into blank stares and vague excuses why she was no longer with our agency.

The office manager, newly promoted after everyone moved up the ladder rung left by the first director did our inspection. She sat at my kitchen table for much of it asking me where things were and how things are done. And apologizing for being disorganized. I assured her it was okay. I told nothing but the truth, but I didn't invite her to check things I thought she may have missed; that was her job and she was definitely stressed out and did not need more to do.

This year will be tough. I can feel it. Plus, we haven't had kids for a while so we are soft - as I sit looking at the Advil bottle and other meds on the counter, the wire and computer stuff sitting on the unused high chair tray, and the piles of "stuff" everywhere that will have to find its home before a week from Wednesday. Neil also has three mixers in the driveway and a work bench piled high with dangerous chemicals that toddlers like to drink for snacks.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the brick pile and posts that sit on the side of the driveway. The side that Neil backed his truck into last month. (so glad that wasn't me! I'm am so sure there wouldn't have been as much laughter. :-)

So you get the picture. Things are bad here and we needed a reason to clean up. So basically recertification is a blessing in disguise?

~Susan

Blessed are all who take refuge in him.
Psalms 2:12

D Update

Staying in D's life has been such a blessing - so far - because most bio mom's do not want the foster mom around after they get their children back. I understand why they feel that way. Who wants a constant reminder of when you were thought to be an unfit parent? And I wouldn't want the woman around who had raised my children. Especially if the child stilled called the other woman mommy.

Thankfully D's mom does not feel the same way. She has let our family have D about every other weekend for the past few months since the kids were returned home. She says she has hurt D enough and doesn't want to cause her more pain by cutting off her relationship with us. (although, the mom still professes innocence. . .) I know the mom enjoys the free babysitting, but I truthfully don't care why she let's us see D; just that she does. D thinks we are her family and we really are. Blood does not make a family.

The mom looks like a hooker all of the sudden. She had on tons of makeup last time we say her. I mean a crazy amount, and all glossy and thick. She is on the hunt again.

Since leaving, D's hair has been chopped almost to the scalp by a crazy uncle who I don't trust. But DCFS seems to be fine with him so who am I to judge??

Now the mom said we could have D on Thursday and on the way there she called me and said she was on the freeway on the way to Los angeles, and that she had just been picked up. Then acted surprised that we were on our way to get D. Why the call? I'm not sure.

I am a bit worried. And no, I don't think this mother is going to just surrender her child to me out of the goodness of her heart. I am not naive. Still, I will stay involved and watch out for D and all her siblings. And if the mom ever drops the ball we will be there to pick it up. In the mean time, we are blessed to have our D fixes when we can get them. When foster kids leave they do take a piece of you with them forever, but D owns all our hearts.

~Susan

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

I'm Expecting. . .

the phone to ring very soon. Call me crazy, but I called to put my name on "the list" again.

I found out the intake worker for our agency has left, so now we have to break in another one. That is okay. The last one tried to make everyone think that you were her favorite family, so she was basically always lying or manipulating you.

Lying and manipulation in the foster care system? I know - a shocker.

Really, she is sick. She would call you with a baby or child and act like she had done you a favor and given you something that many would kill for, but out of her love for you and only you, she has bypassed the other deserving souls on "the list" to give you this new prized possession.

When I called today and spoke to Miss A who is filling in until someone is hired, it was quite refreshing. She sounded genuinely happy to speak to me, but did not make fake professions of love. It was nice for a change.

She did say that "the board" was not filled, meaning there are not many homes available to take children now, so it shouldn't be long before we are called. I'll keep you posted.

Tomorrow Neil and I are going in for some training, but the yearly requirements really are a post in themselves so I will leave that for another day.

~Susan

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 40:1

#1 Worst Thing About Being a Foster Care Parent

How do I choose? There are so many horrible things about being a foster parent. . .

If I could choose from a list of bad things about being a foster parent - the list would be long - this is my choice:

You will fall in love with the children.

So, you may ask what is the #1 Best thing about being a foster parent??

You will fall in love with the children.

Whether they leave in a month or a year, it will be one of the most painful things you ever go through. But, like childbirth, we keep doing it over and over again.

Why? It is simple; the good outweighs the bad.

~Susan

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127: 3-5

We Miss Babies

My girls have convinced me it is time to open our home for foster children again. Time to open our hearts to a child who will need love more than a place to sleep, food to eat, and clean clothes to wear.

Brianna and Brooke talk about it all the time.

We were in a store the other day and looking at some item, and I claimed we didn't have anyone in our house that needed it. Brianna says we need to call up and get us a baby. I said okay.

Then I laughed to myself. What a funny conversation if someone were to overhear us.

Here is a funny story from a foster mom talking about her young daughter:

". . .I asked the typical 'do you know where babies come from' question. Without hesitation she replied, 'Of course I do Mom. You just call the case worker!"

For many families, she is exactly right.

~Susan

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
~Ed Howe

Three Babies

Three babies at once are not in my future. I am fine with it. Shocking, I know. I guess when you know it isn't even something that you feel the Lord would encourage you to do at this point in your life, it is okay to say no.

Firstly, it probably never would have happened anyway, which certainly makes it easier. I spoke to the social worker involved, and though he was excited to have us as a "contingency plan," it didn't sound like it was more than a 50/50 chance. There is a grandma who wants them and I think if she is capable of taking care of them and wants them she should have them. She may or may not get them, but I certainly am not going to get in the way.

It is funny because she is definitely not the blood grandma of one of the boys - mother is white, and her son is white, baby boy is half black - she is claiming him and pretends not to notice.

I like that.

The county worker would have moved the boys and new baby due soon to my house, the contingency placement (in other words - back up plan in case their plan falls through). Most likely a heartache. I talked to Neil about it, and for various good reasons, he said no.

I am glad he did.

It is weird how sometimes you think you want something, and then when you don't get it you realize that was the blessing.

~Susan

"When we lose one blessing,
another one is often most unexpectedly given in its place."
C.S. Lewis

Cleanliness is next to . . . Foster Care?

We have fallen into a pattern at my house. Things get a little out of hand, and then the social worker comes for her visit and inspection and we clean like crazy, put things away, and transform the whole house in the two hours before she arrives.

So when we have no foster children you can imagine we let things go a bit. I am not talking disgusting or anything, but well lived in chaos is not an understatement.

Truthfully, I like it better when we are forced to make an impression. A clean and orderly house is nice if you can get it. :-)

Today I conquered the garage. Brianna helped a bit, but then moved inside where it was safer. I only had one almost catastrophe. Since Neil doesn't read my blog I can tell you. He brings in this little wood thingy and mentions that it goes to his Chinese Junk ship that his grandma gave him when he was a little boy. He wanted to know if I knew where it was. After 45 years he had a hankering to put it together. (I guess there is hope for the new drapery rod in our bedroom?)

Guess what? I had seen it. I thought to myself, "this looks like junk," not knowing that it was actually called a "Chinese Junk" and I threw it in the black garbage bag when Neil wasn't looking. I retrieved it promptly. Don't tell on me.

I really don't think the garage toxins being locked up will make me a better foster parent or my house any safer, but it is a little easier to get around in the garage. If you need an excuse to clean up your garage after 20 years, and be a blessing to a child in need at the same time, become a foster parent!

~Susan

Create in me a clean heart, O God;
and renew a right spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

Vegas is too hot for babies. . .

I did talk to the current foster mom today and it was a little strange. She is a nice Christian lady and I do respect her and her husband, but they are a bit different. . . They are another culture and some of it is due to that. They are also a generation older than I am so that may account for some of our differences of opinions.

She wanted me to forget about them until I went to Vegas at the end of July for my mom's surgery. She doesn't think they should have to go to respite while I am gone so they should just stay with her. (This is the same women who had me watch the boys while she went to Vegas and asked me to watch them in August when she goes on another vacation!)

I mentioned I could take them with me and she thought that sounded way too hard, even though I usually take my foster children with us wherever we go - they are part of our family for as long as the Lord has them with us.

She said Vegas is too hot now. Well, it is too hot now! But we lived there for 8 years and we didn't ship the children off for winters up North!

Her and her husband don't want to adopt them. They are in their early 60s. They just want to keep them in foster care it seems. She wants the newborn since they are very easy for her she says. "They don't go anywhere," she explains.

She also spoke to me about discipline issues. (she is afraid we may have spoiled the boys in the three days they were here)

Mrs. S also complained that the 22 month old will not watch TV. My very normal average children did not watch any TV at that age. I mentioned this. She didn't hear me.

I don't think she wants them, but she doesn't want me to have them either. I was told that there are not families lining up to take siblings of mixed races, and especially 3 under 2. So let's give them a chance please.

Oh, and the grandma is in the picture and may want them so I won't hold my breathe at this point, but I will definitely throw my hat in the ring since the Lord has put them in my heart. I will at the least be praying for the "three babies."

~Susan

Women should not have children after 35.
Really...35 children are enough.
unknown

We're Back. . .!

I know, it wasn't much of a break, but it was nice none the less. ;-)

We aren't completely back, but we did venture back in the shallow end with a respite this weekend. Truthfully, in retrospect, my family is not the best one to do respite, since we tend to fall in love with all the children within two days.

I haven't been over to Brooke or Brianna's blog yet, but I could probably save us all some time and tell you to go hear about our weekend on their page! But, I guess I shall give you a bit.

I was asked about a respite situation (a foster family needing babysitting overnight or more) and decided to help. It was a 10 month old (he is 11 months we found out when searching for a birth date on this very big 10 month old :-) who has asthma. Apparently, there are not a lot of homes available that have space to watch a baby that also can or will watch a child with asthma.

All three of my kids have asthma, and started as babies - so this situation didn't phase me. I also have asthma. The crazy part of the whole thing was the nurse involved. Yes, doing her job - but still. . . She wanted me to come in for a training session on how to give a nebulizer treatment and notice signs of respiratory distress.

I explained to the social worker that I was experienced. . .blah, blah, blah, and that is why I volunteered. I also "legally" can do the repsite, since I have taken special medical needs training. The SW said I still had to go - that the nurse insisted to cover their "tushes." (not the word she used, but the one I grew up using. ;-)

Come the time for training, maybe the nurse was busy because she ended up talking to me on the phone for 5 minutes and calling it good. That was fine with me. Hey, I will admit if I was over my head, but this was my area of expertise.

So, enough about me - you wanted to hear about the boys! They were very sweet babies and we all miss them, of course. After a year and a half of foster care, they were the best sleepers I have ever taken care of. Two naps a day, and sleeping through the night! For that reason alone I am considering adoption, LOL!

Seriously, they are apparently, possibly, with all probability (you like that) going to be available for adoption. Along with a sibling due in August. It isn't for sure. There is a grandma who sounds very iffy at best, but the county often gives children to blood relative as long as they are breathing. Sad, but true.

If they were in my home as foster kids there would be no hesitation in saying we would adopt. Because we would be in love. After three days, I love them, but I am not in love enough to say I will adopt three at once. At once! Hey, I have done three children before, but they didn't all come at once!

If I could have them moved here so we could fall in love, that would be my choice, but I don't see them moving them just because I would like to get to know them better. It makes sense, but the county doesn't do things that make sense.

The mother has a very serious case of bi-polar so the foster parents advised about that mentioning it is hereditary. I can't say that would stop me as it is very treatable usually, not always passed down, and we don't get to choose with our own biological children so I can't see "turning down" a child because of this. I know many others would disagree.

I also think this isn't the right time for us. But we will wait on the Lord and His timing. I have already been heartbroken thinking I knew best the child I was supposed to adopt. I have also become okay with not adopting at all. Okay is a strong word here. "Accepting of the fact," is more truthful.

Anyway, I think I have to pray about them. I was going to leave it at that, but knowing me, I have a feeling that I will probably call the social worker to ask for more info. Oh, if you are reading this you can go ahead and say "what?!" I have heard it before.

Keep in mind that if this looks like it will work out, it won't, so I am probably safe. :-)

~Susan

Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
Luke 12:32

Foster Care False Allegations and Mandatory Court Reporters

Yesterday was an eye opener. I had the experience of someone allowing me to eavesdrop on/ their conversation and truthfully I kind of wish I had left to give them privacy. I heard something that was downright frightening to think about. If you aren't a foster parent it isn't something to worry too much about - although it could happen to you too.

keep in mind that I am changing the names to protect the innocent, but giving them names to help the flow of the story)

I was at our foster agency picking up the baby from his visit with Best Drug Mommy. Another foster mom was dropping off two of her little ones to visit their mom. She asked the mom to come outside to speak with her. My daughter and I were there so I told Donna that we would step inside. She said no, we could stay where we were. We stayed.

The mom of her two foster kids is a mentally ill woman and she has abused and neglected her kids because of it so her kids are in foster care. They were taken into custody to protect them from their mother and they are in a wonderful home. I know of the family. They are upper middle class, middle aged, stable, loving, and do foster care because they can provide a good home for children who need it. Most foster homes are not abusive low class families doing foster care "for the money." Believe me, they could make more with a job at Walmart.

Back to the conversation: Foster mom Donna, a conservative Christian with a classy European accent, quickly asked me to excuse her French. I guess she knew the conversation would be bad.

It turns out that the bio mom reported the foster mom for abusing her kids. CPS (Child Protective Services) had showed up at her door to investigate. It was a false report and the bio mom tried to deny it at first. She said her therapist had reported it. Well, her therapist has never seen the children and only was taking the moms word for it. The mom said her daughter had a black eye.

The daughter is anemic and always has dark looking circles under her eyes because of her condition. Her son apparently had a bruise on his forehead one day that he got while playing and walked into the wall. The bio mom knows the kids aren't abused and she is darn lucky they are in such a good home! She is mentally ill, her children have been taken away and she is trying to cause trouble. She is actually hurting her children. They will now be moved from an excellent foster home and a family that they have bonded with. People always complain about all the moves foster kids go through. The bio mom caused this herself.

She has also caused trouble for a caring, responsible, safe, and loving foster family. Yes, the report will be found unwarranted, but the damage is done. This family will have this on record and suffer through an investigation because the therapist is a mandated court reporter and he is required by law to report this.

Could he have called the agency, social worker involved, asked someone to check the children, or used common sense before calling in the report? Probably. But he didn't.

Who else is a mandated court reporter for expected child abuse? All public officials, doctors, teachers, and more. And me. Yes, foster parents are mandated court reporters. Would I ever call in a report because of one bruise on an otherwise happy, healthy, well cared for child? NO.

But some people do and it is a little scary. Will I think twice now before taking in an older child who could call in a false report themselves for attention? Will I refuse to take a child from a mentally ill parent who has visitation rights? Yes, to both of those. I know there could be exceptions, but I have a family to think of. I know things can happen anyway, but I can't knowingly and purposely put my family in harm.

It could happen to any of us, but the fact that we are more at risk is kind of scary and sad.

Yes, someone has to protect the little ones. But there is real abuse going on in the world. Calling in a report for a little girl with a dark circle under her eye and no other cause for concern is crazy. What's the world coming to?

~Susan

You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
Exodus 20:16

The Best Drug Mother in the World

Yes, that is the mother of my foster son. She is wonderful, knows everything, and could teach me a thing or two. Her baby being detained originally was a big mistake for which the judge actually apologized to her for. Then, she was minding her own business, bonding with her new baby son, when she had a relapse. So the baby ended up back in foster care. Yes, this is the second time in five months.

She was such a good mother that she was exclusively nursing her son - except of course when she was attending her classes required by court to get her son back. Yes, she was nursing while doing drugs.

Best drug mommy in the world called me on the phone the weekend her son came to stay. Good thing, since I was a bit lost. But drug mommy to the rescue. She told me how to burp her son. Explained, in detail how to burp him, since apparently he didn't burp like other babies. I was grateful for this information since the baby was getting quite grumpy after two days of not burping. He was even starting to swell.

Well, the best drug mommy also knows the best bottles for her nursing only baby. She is also quite offended if you do not purchase those bottles. It is not like I was stupid enough to show up at the first visit with just any ordinary bottles. I bought the special vent things from Playtex. Wide nipple tops for babies transitioning from nursing. Hey, it wasn't the Platex nursers with the annoying little bags so my name is mud. She actually came out of the visit complaining the little guy was choking from the bottle. I so wanted to say,

"Really? he never chokes at my house. You just must not know how to feed him a bottle." I didn't, but I thought it.

A few days later I had a chance for best drug mommy to really put me in my place. Her son came down with a case of thrush in his mouth. Caused by an overgrowth of yeast and quite common in young babies. But being the good foster mommy I am, I take him to the doctor for medicine. So I told the mom on one of her many calls. She then informed me that he had thrush once before in foster care only - never at her house. And it is cause by dirty bottles and nipples. I was able to casually mention that it was not caused by this and she preceded to argue. I was able to choke out that it wasn't caused by this at my house, but I am not sure my pathetic attempt to save my hide worked. She was sure I caused this case of thrush.

This week we have had the fun of best drug mommy resuming her nursing on her visits. This is after two clean drug tests. The mom has been even more humble about her mothering abilities now.

How do I stand it and why do I allow this to continue? Well, I am learning so much. . .

~Susan

Not in my plan. . .

Okay, let me say to anyone out there, that I didn't plan on not writing on this blog for the last few weeks. It just happened. It wasn't just being busy - we all are. It is just that I often have so much to say that I can't decide what to focus on so I don't say anything at all.

The dog? She is better. Nothing better happen to her, if you know what I mean.

We have a lot of things up in the air right now. Real Estate is low and gas is high and we are struggling. We can't sell our house so we must make enough money to keep it. And spend less. Hasn't happened lately. Right after the dog surgery fiasco my car got sick ( not sure what was wrong, but I took Neil's word for it) and cost us almost $2,000.00. When it rains it pours!

We did finally get that baby boy the girls have been wanting. Practical me wanted another girl, because we have all the clothes. But it all worked out. We had to spend some, but the county worker said I will get a clothing allowance for little J. (This is a check they send you and you just have to show receipts that you spend it on the child)

Then, my dear friend Penny called today to say that she had baby boy clothes for us she salvaged from garage sale leftovers someone was giving away. What a blessing! The clothing allowance is never enough and is always too late to really help. I was stressing about needed stuff for baby J, but the Lord provided through a friend. I should have known. :-)

Did I tell you about N? She is seven and so sweet. Not in our plans at all! We would have never said we would take her age now, but the way we were asked we ended up saying yes to a temporary situation that has turned into a bit longer than expected. . .

Yes, a surprise, a kink in my plans, a bit of an inconvenience (we leave for school at 7 am ;-), but so glad we said yes. This is a good foster care story that will have a nice ending. More on this story later.

Just thought I would try and get back into this. I will be so busy this month, but can probably post more. I work better under pressure.

~Susan

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Jeremiah 29:11-12

Foster Care Trials and Tribulations

If anyone is out there and reading this blog I apologize for not posting for so long. After losing D and J it just was really hard to talk about it or even write about it. I mean what could I say? D was with us for one year and really felt like she was my baby. To her I am her mother so to me she is mine. Now she is at her bio mom's and it feels like someone else is raising my baby.

This whole trial has actually made me have a little more compassion for the mothers who lose their children to foster care. Not all of them, but many of the moms do love their children with all their hearts, but because of addiction, lack of resources, mental illness, and the way they themselves were raised they are incapable of taking care of them. It doesn't mean that they are not hurting.

Having D now in her mom's home has given me a small glimpse into a mom's world who has had a social worker say we are taking your children. That is what happened to me.

The sadness and helplessness is so compounded because D did not want to leave. She was depressed and wouldn't eat or sleep for missing us. This made us so sad. We could handle our grief, but a baby should not feel this way. It was the hardest thing to see. It is good that D has now started to attach to her mom and the family. She is happy again and she really has enough love for all of us!

I am blessed to say that after some initial problems that I was too emotional to post about, D's mom has let us continue to see D. In fact, she really has been pretty nice about it and insisted we take her, and has let us have her for weekends. Now many of you, and my family included, may assume she is doing it to get a break from D. This is probably true, but I won't worry about why she is doing it - just that she is.

Can I go through this again? I will pray I never have to find out. I know that D will probably someday, maybe at her mother's request, stop calling me mom. That will be sad, but okay. As long as she always calls. :-)

So to those who say you can't do foster care because you couldn't stand the pain of losing the children, I say, "yes, you can." My family put so much love into D and she blessed our lives so much that we didn't lose her - we gained her in our lives. If one day her mom doesn't let us see her anymore (we know this could happen) I will grieve all over. But I will also pray for her every day and for this privilege I am grateful.

I am ready for my phone to ring again. Somehow I know that having full arms will help heal our empty hearts a bit.

~Susan

I will be glad and rejoice in your mercy,
for you have considered my trouble.
You have known my soul in adversities.
Psalm 31:7

Favorite goodbye quote

I noticed I didn't leave a quote or Bible verse on my last post, and to be consistent I will do it now.

I thought it needed a goodbye quote and figured it would be pretty depressing finding one, but here it is:

"Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened."

Dr. Seuss

I love this quote, although it isn't deep enough or meaningful enough for our situation, a quote never is. It simply is a thought that makes you think. . .

During this trial of our girls leaving our home to return home to their bio mom, I have tried to remember that for their family this is seen as a blessing. For D and J it may be a good thing if their mom steps up to the plate and becomes their parent. There is a part of a child who always wants their "real" mom. J loves us and cries to stay, but still wants to go to her "real" mom too. She wants us both. Sadly, Kids don't just need a mom, but need a parent (or two :-). It may turn into a disaster and we pray D and J will not be hurt.

Yes, we are hurting - bad. But do we wish we had never taken in little D and then her sister? Not on your life! It is worth it all to have them for a year of time and hopefully in our lives forever.

The risk of a child leaving is not a good enough reason for me not to love them. Only God knows how long we will have anyone in our lives. He gave us a time with our girls and I am thankful.

So when strangers and friends say they couldn't possibly do this and how can we handle this, and all the other comments we will get for months, I could go into a big lengthy discussion - and probably will at times. :-)

But for now I am happy to have found this quote. It is a simple thought and says a lot.

~Susan

"Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened."

Dr. Seuss

Hard to post, so I'll post poetry

If you want to know what is going on you may be able to read it on Brooke or Brianna's blog. I just can't bring myself to write about what is going on. I do write bad poetry when I am depressed so I guess I'll post my latest.

Too Many Kisses

a few days is all that's left
that I can call you mine

then you'll go, and I'll be left
with memories of another time

so forgive me if I cry a little
and hold you for so long

these last few days are here
and I can do nothing but hold you dear

I can do nothing to make you stay
so forgive me if I give too many kisses today

~Susan